Jacque Jones is my third favorite Cub as of this evening, behind only Derrek Lee and Michael Barrett.  Does that make me a front-runner?  Obviously.  But until the next game starts on Tuesday, I’m not going to rag on Jacque Jones again.  Some may say that if you swing that hard at every pitch that’s thrown to you, you’re bound to hit one of them out.  A blind squirrel finds a nut every now and then.  But until Tuesday, Jacque Jones is out of my doghouse.  I’m sure if he had any idea who I was, he still wouldn’t care.

It’s always so satisfying to see Tony LaRussa’s bullpen management blow up in his face.  Isringhausen was ON tonight. 

Go Cubs.

P.S.  Today’s fun fact, courtesy of Carrie Muskat of Cubs.com:  "Did you notice they haven’t played "Jump" by Van Halen prior to the games at Wrigley Field this season? For 20 years, the Cubs have played the same pregame song while the pitcher is warming up, but on Friday and Saturday, it was "Have a Nice Day" by Bon Jovi. The Cubs now will rotate four or five songs in an attempt to be more contemporary. Among the other titles are "Clocks" by Coldplay and "Beautiful Day" by U2. And you will hear "Jump" again."  Well, I’m glad she broke that down for us.  I was really wondering about that.  I’m pleased to hear that the Cubs will run on to the field in more modern fashion…musically. 

I’m not ashamed to admit it. I watched the last three innings of Saturday’s game at The Cubby Bear. My ears, toes, fingers, and almost everything else froze around the time the first pitch crossed the plate. So I saw Michael Barrett and the great Derrek Lee defeat the Cardinals behind a solid Carlos Zambrano performance on Comcast instead of from the frozen confines of Wrigley Field.

Jacque Jones almost reached base today via the base hit. Almost. Okay, actually he did not. He struck out three times. He makes me long for Jose Hernandez. That’s how mediocre Jacque Jones is. When he swings, children cry and old women cover their eyes. I cannot believe he has a three year contract. The media guide should have a big picture of Jacque Jones taking a huge upper cut swing with the words "Get Used To It!" in big, bold letters.

Highlights from today’s game include a less than enthusiastic Dusty Baker making a half-hearted attempt to argue with the first base umpire, Carlos Zambrano completely losing his focus after an unearned run crossed the plate, and Jim Edmonds getting robbed by the wind again. Why do bad things always happen to metrosexual center fielders?

The Cubs looked like…well…the Cubs against Chris Carpenter. They struck out nine times against last year’s Cy Young Award winner. Jacque Jones along struck out 6 times. Or maybe it just seemed like he did. Did I mention he has a three year contract? Just checking. We traded Corey Patterson and then resigned an older, French-er version to a three year contract. Just awful.

So as soon as Carpenter left the game, the Cubs came alive. Into a stiff wind, both Michael Barrett and Derrek Lee homered to left field. Bob Howry and Ryan Dempster shut the door on the Cardinals for the second day in a row, and the Cubs put themselves in a position to sweep their rival with a win tomorrow night.

Can Sean Marshall replicate the performances of Greg Maddux and Carlos Zambrano when he takes the mound in a nationally televised game Sunday night? The answer, of course, is no. But if the unthinkable occurs and Marshall gets the job done, it will cap off an electric start to the 2006 season.

And finally, I’ve decided to track my major league hit total in 2006 against Le Corey Patterson’s. After five games, I have no hits. Luckily, I’m still tied with Le Corey. And the Cubs aren’t paying me $21 million over the next three years. THREE YEARS!

Go Cubs.

On Friday I attended my first Cubs home opener. My trips to Wrigley typically coincide with the start of summer. I’m a Floridian, and I don’t do well in the sub-arctic temperatures that the Midwest winters bring. This year, however, I wanted to experience the home opener. I bought a ticket from a broker and crossed my fingers that the weather would be somewhat forgiving. And because God hates Cubs fans, Friday could not have been colder.

Here’s how the Chicago Tribune presented the Opening Day forecast: "Cloudy with strong NNE wind gusts above 30 m.p.h. later this morning/afternoon lowering temperatures to around 40 degrees – a level 15 degrees below normal. Afternoon wind chills near 32 degrees. Some lake-sprinkles/flurries near the lake."

How cold was it? After the player introductions, Carlos Zambrano sprinted into the dugout and down the stairs to the clubhouse. It doesn’t get this cold in Venezuela. It doesn’t get this cold in my freezer.

My seat was less than stellar, about even with the on-deck circle on the first-base side in the upper deck. There was only one row above mine, and my back was to a chain-link fence. I sat in a wind tunnel. A 15 degrees below-normal wind tunnel.

As Wayne Messmer concluded the national anthem ("home of the-ahhhhh….bray-eeve"), I realized that my four layers of clothing were not anywhere near sufficient. I stood up, unhinged my legs, and walked over to the Cubs souvenirs stand. For the low price of $30, I purchased a stocking cap and gloves. One of the gloves lasted four innings before ripping. Like Kerry Wood.

In the bottom of the first, Derrek Lee deposited a Jeff Suppan hanging curve into the bleachers. Sorry. The Bud Light Bleachers. Jim Hendry should have been standing at the plate holding Derrek Lee’s contract extension. I have no idea why that hasn’t happened yet. Hey Jim, you locked up Jacque Jones for three years. Why can’t you lock up Derrek Lee? Stop screwing around.

After Greg Maddux retired the Cardinals in the 2^nd, the 2006 version of Corey Patterson stepped to the plate. Jacque Jones is so awful. So very, very awful. And he has a three year contract. Why? Who knows. It goes without saying that Jones made an out. After the game today, I have exactly as many hits in 2006 as Jacque Jones. If he keeps this up, Dusty will put him in the leadoff spot.

Matt Murton reached, and Ronny Cedeno tripled, making it 2-0 Cubs. A couple innings later, Ronny Cedeno doubled, went to third on a Maddux grounder, and almost came home on Juan Pierre’s attempted suicide squeeze that rolled foul at the last minute. Pierre would later single, driving home Cedeno. The Cubs have some speed this year. And they have a couple of young players that add some excitement at the bottom of the order. Not Jose Macias-like excitement, but excitement nonetheless.

The Cubs ended up winning the game 5-1. Greg Maddux pitched well, relying on a strong wind to get him out of a couple of jams. The play of the game came on a liner by Jim Edmonds that looked like a sure home run. It ended up dying in front of the track, and Matt Murton doubled. Juan Encarnacion off first base with a strong throw to Derrek Lee.

Bob Howry and Ryan Dempster finished off the Cardinals. Dempster struck out Edmonds to preserve the victory. As the Cubs celebrated, Jim Edmonds wiped away the tears as they streaked down his face, mixing with his mascara and creating black streaks. Okay, I made that last part up. Or maybe not. I was about ready to pass out by that point, so I don’t know how Jim Edmonds reacted. He probably ran into the clubhouse to catch the end of Oprah.

Despite the weather, opening day at Wrigley Field was a success. Once I get the feeling back in my hands, I’ll post my entry on Saturday’s game.

Why are the Cubs so great on Opening Day and so mediocre from Games 2 through 162?  They destroyed the Reds today, much like they destroyed the Diamondbacks on Opening Day last year and the Mets on Opening Day in 2003.

Some observations about today’s game:

• Carlos Zambrano was able to get through command problems and a tight strike zone without a) hitting someone on purpose or b) getting ejected after telling the umpire he needs glasses.  He gave up a few walks and a few runs, but he’ll be just fine. 
• Jacque Jones is the new Corey Patterson, but without the upside and youth.  Nothing beats flipping your bat and going into a home run trot after hitting a ball that ends up on the warning track. 
• Matt Murton is going to be really good.
• Having a leadoff hitter helps an offense score runs.  This seems fundamental, but it took the front office three years to figure it out.  Corey Patterson, Jose Macias, Neifi Perez, Matt Lawton, and Jerry Hairston, Jr. all took a shot at the leadoff position (with predictable results).  It’s so nice to see Juan Pierre in that spot. 
• Scott Williamson is awful.  Is he healthy yet?  If so, he was well worth the wait.  (sarcasm)
• I have more range than Todd Walker, but he hits a lot better than me.
• As many pitching woes as the Cubs have, at least they didn’t start Aaron Harang on Opening Day.  That’s as bad as it gets. 
• Sometime around the seventh inning, Len Kasper called a six-run Cubs lead "commanding."  This was after the Cubs had already blown a five run lead.   No Cubs lead is commanding. 

All in all, it was a good win today.  For the first time in a long time, we’re tied for first with the Cardinals.  I’ll enjoy that while it lasts. 

I can’t watch Deal or No Deal.  Not anymore.  Not after last night. 

Imagine you’re standing in front of an audience, next to a terrifying Howie Mandell.  You call out a few numbers, some suitcases are opened, and eventually "The Banker" offers you $130,000.  You can either take the $130,000 (deal) or keep playing for the chance to win $400,000 (no deal).  You ask, logically, "what are my odds of winning that $400,000?"  Howie tells you that there’s a 2 in 6 chance of winning $400,000.  In fact, it’s far more likely you’ll walk away with less than $130,000.  You think to yourself, "Why would I not take the certain $130,000?  That’s a lot of money.  And I didn’t have to do anything to get that money.  My annual salary isn’t even close to that.  I could pay off a mortgage, send a few people to college, or even take a year off work and travel."  Your hand hovers over the red I’m-not-a-complete-idiot-I’ll-take-the-money" button….

And that’s when your mother, your cousin, and your five year old nephew start screaming "No DEAL!"   Now bear in mind, it’s not their money.  Whether you win $1 or $1,000,000, those people are going home with the same amount of money they walked in with.  But you start to doubt your decision.  And then you slam the cover over the button and (over the course of 10 painful minutes) proceed to whiz away your $130,000.  After all is said and done, you leave the studio with $21,000 (before taxes).  Why?  Because YOU ARE A COMPLETE IDIOT.

And that’s why I’ve banned myself from Deal of No Deal.  It’s not good for my health.  No matter how loud I scream, the people on that show can’t hear me.  I realize that now. 

What does this have to do with the Cubs?  Pretty much nothing. 

But I do want to congratulate Greg Maddux on giving up one of the longest home runs I’ve ever seen last Saturday.  After Jim Thome took him deep, WGN’s own Bob Brenly said "I think that ball hit the sun and bounced back."  Yeah, pretty much.

Carlos Zambrano hit a double and laid down a bunt single yesterday.  You know, like Corey Patterson used to do all the time.

I’ll wrap this up with another classic except from a Carrie Muskat article on Cubs.com.  It tells Cubs fans that, even though the two pitchers that this team was built around are injured, again, everything will still be alright.

The Cubs have known that neither would be ready by Opening Day, yet are still optimistic heading into the season.

"Last year, you lose a couple key guys like we did and you never know," Cubs manager Dusty Baker said of the 2005 season in which the Cubs were without sluggers Moises Alou and Sammy Sosa. "We lost Mo and Sammy and you know you’re losing 50 to 60 home runs and some run production. You don’t know if you can replace that or not.

"Then you lose [Joe] Borowski [to injury] when the season started, we lost [Mike] Remlinger when the season started, we lost Prior when the season started," Baker said. "We lost [Todd] Walker early, we lost Nomar [Garciaparra] early. You start losing key people like that early, dude, you can’t help but feel apprehensive about things."

Not this year. On Wednesday, the Cubs optioned left-hander Rich Hill to Triple-A Iowa. They are leaning toward carrying 11 pitchers — including four starters. If that’s the case, the final decisions will be whether to keep Sean Marshall, John Koronka or Roberto Novoa.

Funny, that doesn’t sound optimistic. 

Yesterday we learned from the incomparable Carrie Muskat (or, as I call her, Bernstein) that Mark Prior is "able to do everything except throw a baseball."

While this would appear to be good news, a series of google searches and a quick glance at the 2006 media guide gave me pause.  It turns out Mark Prior is a pitcher.  His value to the team lies solely in his ability to do the one thing he can’t do. 

One Cub that’s having a slightly better spring is Aramis Ramirez.  He’s hitting .600 right now.  I realize these stats don’t count, but he’s certainly locked in at the plate.  The last memory Cubs fans had of Ramirez before he came to camp was of him tripping over first base trying to leg out a grounder (like he’d been shot with an elephant gun) and then disappearing from the lineup for about a month.  Now he’s healthy, and he’s hitting for both average and power.  With Ramirez in the middle of a lineup that includes Pierre, Lee, Murton, Barrett, Jones, and 8 or 9 second baseman, the Cubs should be able to contend in the Central.  That’s assuming that they can tread water long enough to get Wood, Prior, and Miller back into the rotation.

For the last three seasons, the Cubs have built around the 1-2 punch of Mark Prior and Kerry Wood.  Now that Prior and Wood are once again on the disabled list as Opening Day draws near, perhaps it’s time to go to Plan B.  It’s not easy to fault the front office for hitching the Cubs’ wagon to these guys.  Everyone remembers 2003.  And everyone remembers how well Prior and Wood pitched down the stretch.  But it’s been over two and a half years since the miracle 2003 season grinded to a halt, and neither of these guys are going to be ready to take the mound when the 2006 season begins. 

It has become an all-too-familiar trend.  First Kerry Wood gets shut down, then Mark Prior follows shortly after.  And now that this has happened three times, it’s really starting to get old.  Perhaps it’s time to give up on these two talented but flawed right arms and start over.  With Zambrano at the front of the rotation, a solid #2 starter would go a long way in shoring up the Cubs’ depleted pitching staff.  Matt Clement’s name has come up in trade rumors.  So has David Wells’ and Barry Zito’s.  It’s time to make one of these trades happen.  And I don’t want to hear anything about how Angel Guzman, Felix Pie, Bobby Brownlie, or any of the other "can’t miss" Cubs’ prospects are "untouchable."  Corey Patterson was untouchable once.  So was Hee Seop Choi.  So was Bobby Hill.  Remember how well all of them turned out?  Me too.

I love watching Mark Prior and Kerry Wood pitch.  Whenever they take the mound, you get the feeling you may see something special.  At the very least, you’re likely to see a Cubs victory.  But these guys will probably never be back in the rotation at the same time.  Last year it happened for about two weeks, before Kerry Wood let lose an 86 MPH "fastball" that Ken Griffey, Jr. hit into the stratosphere.  Kerry left that game and didn’t return as a starter. 

I’m sure everyone is aware of "fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me."  Well, this is the third year in a row that the Cubs’ front office is relying heavily on the health of two great but fragile pitchers that will most likely never reach their potential.  If February 2007 rolls around and the success of the team once again depends on Wood and Prior, I will be very disappointed. 

FYI, I think Glendon Rusch and Jerome Williams are having a contest to see which one can turn in the worst outing of the spring.  It’s neck and neck right now.  Rusch threw down the gauntlet yesterday by giving up a ton of hits, a monster home run, and a screaming line drive that whacked him in the shin.  Not not to be outdone, Williams answered with an equally poor outing today against the Athletics.  He gave up four hits, walked four, and allowed four runs over four innings.  His ERA right now is 9.00.  I know Spring stats can be deceiving, but his ERA is fairly indicative of how he’s pitched thus far.  Rusch’s is 9.82.  Rich Hill, a candidate for the fifth spot in the rotation, has an ERA of 13.50. 

And here’s some more Spring Training news from today’s Cubs.com "Notes" article:  "Reliver Roberto Novoa has been diagnosed with ‘Valley Fever,’ a respiratory infection.  ‘It’s not contagious,’ Baker said, ‘but it takes a long time to get over.’"  Naturally.  Good thing Mark Prior doesn’t have this.  He’d be out for the year. 

And finally, some good news.  Carlos Zambrano looks unbelievable so far.  He struck out seven Rangers in five innings today.  I wish WGN would televise every one of Zambrano’s starts.  He’s the best.

This just in from ESPN.com:

Turk Wendell, former Cubs "pitcher" and licorice-chewing eccentric, told Barry Rozner of the Daily Herald (suburban Chicago) that he believes Sammy Sosa used steroids. 

Turk Wendell also told Barry Rozner that the earth is round and that one plus one equals two.

After making his accusations, Turk excused himself to go brush his teeth and give up a few home runs.

For those who may not remember, Turk Wendell went after Barry Bonds through the media back in 2004.   During Spring Training, Wendell told a reporter that it "was clear just seeing his body" that Bonds was on performance enhancers.  Barry Bonds responded to Wendell’s comment by telling Turk Wendell (again, through the media) to "say it to my face."  Then Barry Bonds went back to his room, locked the door, put on a Backstreet Boys CD, and wrote mean things about Turk Wendell is his slam book.

Here’s the thing.  There’s not a doubt in my mind that Sammy Sosa was on steroids during the prime of his career.  And not only was he taking steroids, but he was also corking his bat.  When his bat exploded in 2003, part of my wanted to believe that he accidentally grabbed the wrong one on his way to the plate.  He seemed sincere enough in his post-game press conference.  That’s before he forgot how to speak English.

Now he’s no longer a Cub, so there’s no need to suspend disbelief any longer.  Some may choose to believe that all of Sammy’s monster home runs were due to hard work and supernatural skill.  And that’s fine.  But given all of the fallout from the Steroid Era, it’s difficult not to suspect Sammy Sosa of juicing. 

On a completely unrelated topic, Mark Prior is puzzled.  He doesn’t understand how he developed a shoulder strain on Tuesday that will most likely keep him out of the rotation until early May.  What’s more puzzling is that Will Carroll at Baseball Prospectus knew that Mark’s shoulder was injured weeks before Prior himself knew it.    

It’s over. 

Usually the Cubs’ season doesn’t end until at least May.  But this year, it ended on March 14th.  That’s the day on which Mark Prior’s shoulder finally decided to call it quits.  Is this surprising?  Not really.  Did anyone in their right mind think that Mark Prior was actually healthy?  Not really.  Healthy pitchers aren’t throwing 30 pitches off the mound three weeks in to Spring Training.  But for some reason, I still couldn’t believe it when I saw the headline on ESPN News.  Mark Prior is hurt again.

Here’s what happens over the next two weeks:

1.  There will be countless articles on Cubs.com trying to spin Prior’s injury and put it in a positive light.  You’ll read about how the Cubs can go with a 3 or 4 man rotation for the first three weeks because of all the off days.  Prior will definitely be ready by the time his spot comes around in the rotation the fourth week of the season.  You’d be best to ignore these articles.  It’s all a bunch of lies. 

The articles will be written by Carrie Muskat.  She’s the one that wrote in the latest Cub mailbag article:  "No. 1, Prior isn’t injured. He’s on a strict program designed to build up arm strength and to avoid injuries. A respiratory infection that forced him to be hospitalized in late December slowed him a little, but that doesn’t qualify as an injury."  That was posted less than 36 hours ago.  Apparently Mark Prior went from "not injured" to "injured" over the course of a long toss session.  That’s very believable. (sarcasm) 

2.  Mark Prior will have at least one MRI.  In fact, he may just have an MRI machine installed in his house.  That would save him three or four trips to the hospital each year.

3.  Someone in the media will allege steroid use.  This is ridiculous, because steroids are supposed to make you stronger.  If there was such thing as an anti-steroid, I would be the first one to point the finger at Mark Prior for taking them.

4.  Cubs management will take a beating over this recent development.  And they should.  The USSR was more forthright during the Cold War than Jim Hendry and Larry Rothschild are about the health of the pitching staff.

In January I was outraged that Mark Prior’s name came up in a trade rumor.  Now I understand what Jim Hendry was doing.  Instead of prolonging the inevitable, he was attempting to eliminate Prior from the rotation via trade instead of injury.  And the Orioles didn’t take the bait. 

Right now the Cubs’ rotation is Zambrano, Maddux, Rusch, Williams, and Hill.  Read that again.  The Cubs are rolling in money.  They just added a few thousand seats to Wrigley.  And with all that money, they’re going to start the season with a rotation consisting of an ace, a former ace that might win half his decisions, and three guys who have stats this Spring that would indicate they’re lobbing 12-inch softballs. 

If Mark Prior misses more than a month because of his flu/sore rotator cuff, it’s going to be a long, long season.  And if that’s the case, I’m officially done with him, Kerry Wood, and Hendry/Rothschild.  I would prefer Jim just give everyone the middle finger after every question instead of spew the same false garbage he’s offered up the last couple years.

ABC News is reporting today that there’s a 50% chance the bird flu will eventually be transferred from human to human.  And somewhere in Vegas, the "Date on which Mark Prior contracts the H5N1 virus" O/U has been added to the board.  Word to the wise, take the under.

The following is a quote from Carrie Muskat’s article on Cubs.com about Kerry Wood’s impromptu knee surgery.

"They’re not fixing anything, they’re taking a piece out," Wood said Friday. "We’re not in danger here."

Oh, is that all?  They’re just taking a piece out of your knee? 

Why does this always happen?  Why does the Cubs’ front office always deceive the media and the fans?  How is it even possible that Kerry Wood was progressing toward a first MLB start in late April and now he’s going under the knife for something completely unrelated to what he’s rehabbing from in the first place?  Why?  Someone tell me why?  Okay, someone besides Jim Hendry or Larry Rothschild tell me why.

I’ll tell you why.  It’s because God hates Cubs fans.  He doesn’t really hate the Cubs.  They aren’t the ones suffering.  They’re millionaires.  The real victims are people like me that were starting to believe that this season would be different than the last 90-whatever seasons.  Sure I’m only 26, but I’ve already lived a hard life as a Cubs fan.  2003 and 2004 took a lot out of me.  And just when I thought things might be turning, Kerry Wood needs knee surgery.  Couldn’t we just give him one of Wade Miller’s knees?  Don’t we have enough injured pitchers on the staff that we could use to create one good, healthy pitcher?

I was really excited about this season after yesterday’s game.  Zambrano looked good, Ramirez looked good, Cedeno and Murton looked good.  But leave it to Kerry Wood and Jim Hendry to start 2006 right where 2005 left off. 

I think they’re sitting on a Prior injury, and I hope I’m wrong.  If not, this could be another long year.